One morning the entire dorm woke up to find all the shower curtains throughout Pierpont had been removed. At first most laughed then tried to draw up a short list of possible perpetrators. There had been a friendly rivalry between Pierpont and Cance so they made that list. But it just as well could have been someone in the dorm. What did they want? There was no word on ransom. All was silence. RAs were meeting with Deanna, the Head of Residence. How much room would the shower curtains from the entire dorm take up? A search of the dorm's public places turned up nothing.

I, too, joined in the initial laughter but like most, I would eventually want to take a shower in private. But the devil in me had other plans. What if I planted a fake ransom note? I could implicate the 4th floor!

There was a lot of tension between some on Second Sunset and the Fourth "Party" Floor. The incessant noise from the Fourth tended to bother most those who lived on the courtyard side of the dorm. Being on the University Drive side, little noise filtered through the 3ed floor. But the irresponsibility of some on the Fourth still was a sore spot. What I most objected to was the attitude summed up during a heated dorm meeting by one Fourth Floor stoner. When faced with complaints about the noise he said, "You should be grateful that we're only obnoxious. We could get violent!"

Ya, they deserved it.
 
And so, I using disguised handwriting I wrote the ransom note and taped it to a mirror in the second sunset bathrooms. It read something like:

IF YOU EVER WANT TO SEE YOUR SHOWER CURTAINS ALIVE AGAIN,
SEND A KEG OF BEER UP TO THE 4th FLOOR BY ELEVATOR AT 2AM!
AND NO COPS... NO FUNNY BUSINESS!!!

The note was soon found by one of the women who cleaned the dorm. She dutifully brought it down to Deanna. I chuckled when I heard she and some of the other RAs were taking the note seriously. How dense could they be!

But as the hours drew on, I began to fear that if they wasted time on the note, then they weren't looking for the real perps. About 3p, and with great reluctance, I went down to Deanna's apartment and confessed. To my surprise, Deanna was not upset but commended me for my honesty! Was she nuts! I deliberately set her and the RA's up for a wild goose chase on which they wasted 4-5 hours. I let them piss away valuable time while I was chuckling away. And yet, she only saw my contrition. If that wasn't enough when Deanna left in December to take a job at Prince House, she recommended to SW administration that old roommate Karl and I become the new co-Heads of Residence. Incredulous I asked her why. She answered that she saw my confession as proof I was a mature and trustworthy person. That may have been true... but in the case of the fake ransom note, it wasn't enough to overcome the prankster in me. As for the shower curtains? They returned as mysteriously as they disappeared. So since the statute of limitations is surely expired, maybe now someone will finally confess.

 

-Robb